


baited hook/tender heart

by formosus_iniquis



Category: American Vandal (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, background Gabi/Jenna, tinder au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 12:24:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17345171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/formosus_iniquis/pseuds/formosus_iniquis
Summary: Peter scrolled late into the night, experimenting when the shitty campus wifi took forever to load anyone's profile pictures. He'd scroll as far down as he could, so their pictures were out of frame when they finally loaded, and tried to decide what kind of person he would find based on their bio and what facebook likes they had shared.That's what he was doing when Sam, 18 popped up.And just when Peter thought he had a pretty good idea of what this guy was going to be like --- It had loaded and Peter was now face to face with Sam, 18 who wasn't just Sam, 18 he was Sam Ecklund, Netflix star.---An interpretation of swingsetindecember's famous person has an online dating profile and their date assumes they're actually a catfish au





	baited hook/tender heart

Sam stumbled in to fame the same way he stumbled into most things in his life: by making one impulsive decision and following it straight down the rabbit hole.

A couple of lucky breaks, and the fact that Sam was charming as fuck, took him from just being another child actor whose made an appearance in every crime procedural and cried and turned him into someone with an actual career. Which was great and all, thanks Netflix for the staring romantic lead in "Saint Anything" and all. He just thought that real mainstream fame would be a little less, well, lonely he guessed.

There was never a dull moment, that was for sure, if he wasn't being sexually harassed in the comments of his Instagram --- thanks fame for effectively making him just inhuman enough that people thought that that was chill --- then he was being brought in to a studio that Buzzfeed owned to pet dogs and get asked weirdly invasive questions. All of which classified as work now, which was weird. Sam was never not working anymore even when he wasn't learning lines or filming he was still working 'cause part of being a famous person now meant that he was always doing something to make sure he stayed marketable.

Kinda fucked up.

Sam didn't even like social media that much, like he used it obviously he wasn't dead, but now that it had become part of his job he hated instagram and twitter --- facebook was for making sure old relatives knew he hadn't died so his agent took care of that one more than he did otherwise he would probably hate that too. 

Or he hated it for losing the only enjoyable parts of social media, the idiotic sociability. He missed being able to post ugly selfies or tweet about the random shit he thought about without thinking about it for twenty minutes to make sure that nothing in it could be misconstrued. There was a difference, he knew, between being an absolute asshat on the internet and posting stuff that should get him in trouble; but remaining marketable also meant he couldn't say shit he was really thinking sometimes. 

Like "I'm really sick of hearing the same three Ed Sheeran songs on the radio, can we get some new shit please."

Or "all the fantastic beasts movies are overrated and bad, stop asking me if ive seen them."

Definitely not anything like "I'm desperate and alone, someone please talk to me like a human."

He wasn't supposed to curse online, when avoidable. He definitely wasn't supposed to openly criticize the kind of people that might hire him later or make fun of the stuff that his fans like. At least not until he was the kind of famous that Ryan Reynolds was. But probably most important, leading men were definitely not desperate and lonely. He had to be attainable, ideal, the thing that people wanted and was just far enough away that people wanted it even more but not so far enough away that he didn't seem like a reachable goal.

It was in a word the worst.

So much the worst he wasn't sure why Gabi wasn't sympathizing with him. After he had been such a good friend and brought her along to his shoot day too.

(And maybe it wasn't as fun being in the green room while Sam read and talked about all the weird shit that tumblr and stan Twitter said about him. But really what did she expect him to do?)

"I'm serious Gabi, the most meaningful even pseudo-romantic interaction I've had in six months has been with the Wendy's corporate account. Feel sorry for me."

"If you wouldn't tweet vaguely sexual things about chicken nuggets then corporations would leave you alone."

Sam sighed with his whole body, falling lengthwise across the couch so his head would land in Gabi's lap. She did  _ not _ take the hint and start playing with his hair in that sisterly way she had learned from Sam's own sister, she just lifted her arms so she could use Sam as a place to rest her arms while she continued to text. An annoying older sibling gesture made even more infuriating by the smile on her face, so small it was only noticeable as Sam looked up at her, the I'm texting my boyfriend smile. Texting her douchey boyfriend, while Sam was feeling absolutely alone and miserable, that wasn't gonna work

"Not only was that so not my point, Gabrielle, you could stop texting Brandon while I'm moping."

"I'm not texting Brandon, nosy, and I'm listening you were complaining about how hard it is to be famous."

"That's not- don't lie to me. I know what you're face looks like when you're texting someone you like."

"Okay."

"Okay, just okay, you're not going to-? Ugh sometimes you're worse than Kayla."

"Learned from the best kiddo. I didn't say you were wrong, I just said it wasn't Brandon."

"Wait, what?" Sam tried to sit up, but Gabi kept her arms and phone braced on him, pinning him in place as she continued to text.

"Yeah, Brandon and I broke up like a billion years ago. Keep up."

"What? Gabi, stop, shut up how could- why didn't I know that?"

"What?" Gabi asked, the fact that she genuinely didn't seem to get why Sam was bothered or feel like he should be at all only made him more upset, "Sam, you were busy. You were filming that show and then you had that indie thing you were freaked about, then you had  _ Saint Anything _ and  _ Somebody Save Bridget Geller _ or whatever stupid title they use for this one. You've been busy."

"But you're my best friend," Sam said, he was probably pouting. Gabi and his sisters always called him out for his middle child pout when he got upset. "You know I always care what's going on with you."

"Don't make this a thing, you were busy and it wasn't really a big deal. It happened and I was going to tell you and then I just kinda forgot."

"Do Kayla and Laura know?"

"I literally live next door to you, so yeah your sisters know. I didn't deliberately exclude you, Samuel. It just happened when we didn't really have time to catch up and then it just didn't seem important. I'll tell you about it now, if you still want to hear about it."

"Obviously I want to hear about your break up from two years ago." 

Gabi rolled her eyes, Sam felt as she shifted her weight to his chest so there was just enough pressure that he would know she was annoyed with him. "Dick. Fine. It was that night at Nana's party, which there's no way you didn't see the video from they were everywhere. He pushed me in the pool so he could prompose with a spray painted towel, which was a level of dickishness I was willing to put up with.  _ Don't _ ," she cut Sam off mid-eyeroll, "I know that is such a bare minimum twitter thing to say. But he like soaked my phone and I'd been drinking and I just was so not riding home with him. So I called an uber from his phone to come get me with like just such perfect timing to see Sarah text him asking if he wanted to meet up for round two. So I called him a two timing bastard and went home and that was pretty much it."

Sam did his best to keep a straight face, the news that Brandon had cheated on Gabi was far from positive, but he was such a douche it was the opposite of surprising. "Don't make your actor face at me, Samuel," Gabi said, "I know you didn't like him and you're happy he's gone. I'm happy he's gone now."

"So who's this new person you've got that's got you making that dumb I'm in love face you make instead of listening to my very sad tale of loneliness and strife."

"Hmm good SAT word, home school."

"Gabi!"

"Fine, you're the first one to hear about her okay, does that soothe your fragile actor ego? It's still like really new. A friend from Hanover set us up they both go to USC or they have a friend at USC, I'm not sure Jenna keeps saying its embarrassing."

"Okay so share some of that," Sam said.

"What?"

"Act like a middle class white lady in the drive thru at Starbucks or like those stupid it's a virtue commercials they used to make us watch in elementary school and pass it the fuck on, Gabi. Set your sad, lonely friend up with someone cute."

"I cannot even begin to describe how little I want to be responsible for that."

This time Sam managed to push up past Gabi's elbows. His own outrage and an apparently distracting text from the still mysterious Jenna gave him the necessary leverage to sit upright. "What do you mean?" Sam didn’t really care that he was pouting. He wasn't really worried about preserving any of his cool guy mystique.

"I don’t know what part of that was difficult for you to understand. I'm not setting you up with someone I know, you're literally famous like no offense but that's like life ruining."

"Thanks."

"Like you enjoy having literal strangers constantly in your business, I'm totally gonna do that to someone I like so you can go on one date with them while you decide if you actually like them. Yeah, no. You're deliberately missing the real solution."

"And what would the 'real solution' be?"

"Tinder, obviously. Like no one meets in real life anymore."

"Oh come on, Gabs, we just got done talking about how no one wants to talk to me because I'm famous. You think I'm actually gonna get anything on there?"

"Okay one, famous people have to get dates somehow, like people slide into Michael B. Jordan's DMs all the time. Two, people are on Catfish all the time because they think they’re in relationships with celebrities so obviously there's someone out there for you. And, most importantly, three not everyone knows who you are, you're not even that famous get over yourself it's like a right of passage now that you're 18 to stop bitching and match with random strangers."

\---

"Don't you think it's a little shallow though, to be sending people away based only on looks."

"You aren't that dude in Gladiator, Pete, it's not like they're dying," Dylan said starfished on the floor and blowing smoke up toward his open window.

"And it's not shallow to expect someone to put their best foot forward, you wouldn't go out with someone who showed up to a first date in sweatpants," Jenna added, she always put up a token protest when Peter asked if she wanted to come hang out with the Wayback Boys but she almost always ended up sitting next to Peter on a couch that smelled more like weed than the blunt Dylan was smoking.

"If they were nice-"

Jenna and Dylan both groaned. Peter wasn't even the one who introduced them, but he was beginning to become sorry that he encouraged the two to keep hanging out.

"Pete, bro, like not to be a major dick but this is why you're still single."

"You know I hate to agree with Dylan on anything that doesn't have to do with getting a better high, but he's right." Dylan made a noise that sounded like it was supposed to be an explosion, whether Jenna even knew her eyes were rolling was still up for debate. "If you're really gonna be such a Boomer about it, you can read their bios."

Peter had the app open on his phone, tweaking the bio that Jenna had written when she'd stolen his phone to set up his profile --- he left the pictures she had picked alone. "I'm not writing a think piece, I'm just saying shouldn't a possible relationship be based on more than just thinking someone's hot?"

"No," Jenna and Dylan both spoke at the same time, their agreement almost as jarring as the opinion itself.

"Look Peter," Jenna said, justification coming quick on the heels of her answer because Jenna physically couldn't be as much of a dick as she pretended to be, "I know you have to chronically overthink everything, but you can trust your instincts on this one. I'm pretty sure there are articles to support like impulse dating."

"You want to read about dating, nerds." Dylan said.

Which Peter steamrolled over, because as much fun as listening to them argue back and forth when they were both a little buzzed he had issues of his own that he wanted handled, "You don't even read for class, don't tell me you're reading about Tinder."

"I'm a marketing and communications major, obviously I'm not going to waste my precious time doing the reading for our history class. It's history, we already know what happened and besides-"

"I'm a rich person, Peter." Peter finished, unsurprised to hear Dylan saying it along with him. It had become something of Jenna's catchphrase, Peter figured it was mostly because she knew that no one who lived in or visited Dylan's unusually chill apartment cared that Jenna's family had more money than god.

"Whatever, just keep swiping until you find someone who makes your little gay heart flutter."

"I don't know any of these people though, Jenna, how am I supposed to know if I'll like any of them?"

"Just trust your instincts, dude, you know what's up you hang out with us," Dylan said lifting his head up from the floor just enough to make solid eye contact with Peter.

"Don't swipe on anyone who thinks having a dead animal in their profile is sexy, if they're smoking something that isn't weed also a no, definitely for you," Jenna advised, counting her advice off on her fingers as she went.

"What if they're vaping," Peter asked, a joke that became real as he swiped through Mikey, 20's pictures to find him clutching a vape pen in one fist and blowing smoke at the camera.

"You fuck them on the spot, obviously," Jenna answered, rolling her eyes even as she said it.

Peter swiped left on Mikey, a continuing pattern of looking at guys only to feel his heart race with a fluttering anxiety and swipe them away with a burst of relief when he managed to find something wrong with them; the pattern reset and Peter's boulder rolled back down the hill as a new guy popped up on his screen.

"Are you sure that you or Ganj couldn't set me up? Why do I have to do this when she found you the perfect girl."

"Because Ganj only knows lesbians and stoners and all of my friends are sitting in this room or on their way to this room. And anyway she set me up because I have crippling trust issues that stem from being catfished on social media and having my sexts leaked when I refused to be blackmailed into committing a felony." Jenna didn't look up from her phone as she spoke, fingers moving quickly across the screen in a defense mechanism that Peter didn't blame her for. He knew a hug would be out of place and unappreciated in the moment, but it didn't stop him from wanting to do literally anything to make Jenna feel better. 

"Or you know whatever," she continued, "but you can handle Tinder, just like be careful don't be stupid and make sure you get live video before you meet up. I also have a good private investigator if it becomes a thing."

"Heavy," Dylan intoned, sounding like every stoner stereotype that has existed since the 70's.

"I don't think it's gonna be a thing," Peter said, swiping left on Brandon, 19 and Richie, 21 without much thought --- too smug and too old, Peter was going to have to adjust his age settings from whatever Jenna set them too when she tweaked his account --- he was dedicating more of his focus to thinking of which baked good would pair best with the shoulder he was offering to cry on.

"Don't be so Thomas Edison was a witch about this, you've been swiping left for ten minutes. Even if you don't find the love of your life on here you could at least make a friend, people do that on the Internet I've been told, you could at least find someone who isn't me or Dylan to take to your weird arthouse movies."

Dylan sat bolt upright when he heard his name being really brought into the conversation, moving so fast it made Peter's head spin. "Yeah dude, I go to see things explode or people make out, not to read."

"Alright, alright, I'll try it. For real, I'll try it."

"Good," Jenna said, it was decisive and when Jenna had decided something it usually meant things were set for good, "now I'm starved and too high to deal with any more deep conversation drive us to get tacos."

\---

Peter was convinced that while the universe owed one Jenna Marie Hawthorne a good turn more than maybe anyone else he knew, it didn't have to do it by always making her right especially in situations where Peter was the one being proved wrong.

It started like this: Peter was in his dorm as alone as he could be --- which was not at all with his ever present roommate and archenemy of almost a decade Micklewaite laying within projectile throwing distance away from him (curse the random roommate assignment and strict residence life policies) --- and he was scrolling through tinder. He was honestly, genuinely, actually trying to keep an open mind like he promised Jenna and he was screenshotting the funniest and cringiest ones he found and sending them to Jenna and Dylan as appropriate.

He was still swiping left on every frat head fuckboi and anyone who made it clear their idea of a movie date didn't involve a critique when it was done. But he was trying,  _ trying _ to keep an open mind and actually swipe right.

Like with Gabriel, 20 who liked the same indie bands he did and whose smile was nice when Peter finally went through his photos. He opened and closed the app three times so he wouldn't have to decide if he was going to swipe right or not before he gathered the courage to do it. His anxiety peaked as the profile was swiped away and he was almost relieved when there was no immediate match.

Or Marcus, 19 another film major who was looking for someone to go to showings with and had the kind of face that you could just talk to. Peter swiped right with less agonizing and felt his heart jump in an uncertain skip-a-beat when he was told they had matched. He closed the app and turned his phone over, using his terror to motivate him to start working on the essay he'd been putting off. When he finished his paper a couple hours later he finally relaxed when he saw no notifications about messages.

Peter scrolled late into the night, experimenting when the shitty campus wifi took forever to load anyone's profile pictures. He'd scroll as far down as he could, so their pictures were out of frame when they finally loaded, and tried to decide what kind of person he would find based on their bio and what facebook likes they had shared.

That's what he was doing when Sam, 18 popped up. 

Sam currently just an empty white space and would likely stay that way for a couple minutes if his internet service had anything to say about it. Sam, who only gave Peter one sentence to judge him by: I like string, puns, and Captain America; in that order. It was a sentence that used a semicolon though, which was charming in the same strange way that Sam's list was endearing. His facebook likes were mostly empty, a scattering of TV shows, movies, meme accounts with stupid names, and other things that showed it was an account that had been made when facebook was still cool and abandoned with the rise of twitter.

And just when Peter thought he had a pretty good idea of what this guy was going to be like --- sweet and quick witted with a bite of sarcasm; someone Peter might like to meet sometime --- he scrolled up to see if the pictures had loaded.

It had loaded and Peter was now face to face with Sam, 18 who wasn't just Sam, 18 he was Sam Ecklund star of  _ Accept the Things We Cannot _ and other more mainstream movies like that Netflix thing with Saint in the title.

He was probably the most talented teen actor Peter had ever watched. Peter had been obsessed, enraptured since seeing him in  _ Accept the Things _ and had devoured every other thing that he was credited with in his IMDB page. All it left him with was the knowledge that Sam Ecklund had been adorably charming since he was a kid and an actor crush he didn't think he could professionally reason his way out of the way he had with all his others.

He watched  _ Accept the Things _ every day for weeks, marvelling at Sam's performance with every viewing.

(Sam was not the star, though Peter would fight that assertion with a film student's critique and a diehard fan's spirit if anyone said that to him. But even Sam knew it was a big break through a small part in a Hollywood star's first crack at the directing game. His performance as sullen teen to highlight the actual lead's inept and impotent parenting was good enough to get him traction.)

Peter scrolled through the gallery, amazed as each picture passed that this was Sam Ecklund.

Except obviously it wasn't Sam Ecklund.

Peter didn't need Jenna's harrowing and heartbreaking reminder to be careful on the Internet. Peter had seen every episode of Catfish --- minus the one's Max wasn't in --- he knew the kind of things that went on on the internet. The episodes where people thought that they were dating real celebrities were always funny until the delusion came breaking around that person's shoulders and then they were just sad.

He wasn't an idiot. He could see the signs. There wasn't an Instagram linked, not even a fake profile. Some of the pictures in the feed were from the real Sam's Instagram, Peter remembered liking them, but some must have been grabbed from somewhere online because Sam didn't think he had ever seen them --- he knew he was going to obsess about the way that Sam's nose wrinkled as he stuck his tongue out at someone out of frame in that third picture.

Obviously this wasn't the real Sam.

That went so without saying that Peter felt like an idiot even thinking it. 

This wasn't Sam. 

But if Peter knew it wasn't Sam. If there was no possible way for someone to trick Peter into thinking that this was Sam, then where was the harm in going ahead and swiping right on the strangely enigmatic person with the guts to try and use the face of one of the most popular young adult actors of the last year. 

And really, he reasoned to himself as he lay in bed silently hating his snoring roommate and wondering how much more he was going to hate himself in the morning for staying up so late on a night he had an 8 am using tinder of all things, if he started talking to this person then he was saving someone else. Someone more naive or someone with too much hope in their heart. He was saving someone, not from becoming a Jenna because Jenna was one of the smartest and emotionally guarded people Peter knew, so whatever was up with her he was sure wasn't anything like this. But he might be saving someone from writing an embarrassing email to MTV.

Peter wasn't really surprised when he matched with Sam immediately. That's like the whole catfish game. Spread the reach and see who bites. He wasn't exactly sure what he was going to say, or if he was going to say anything at all. Did he just say hello? Did he reference the fact that Sam is famous? Did he hint that he knows this is all bullshit or is that giving up the whatever this is too early?

The only benefit to his indecision is he's saved from having to decide at all. In the surprise of the Catfishing century, Peter is jolted out of his own overthinking spiral by a drop down notification.

A message from Sam.

S: so... professional movie watcher Peter, what's the best high school musical   
S: immediate follow up: why is it HSM2

Peter is stunned for a second. Stunned and then he's laughing. He's got his head buried under his pillow trying to stifle his ugly, hiccuping laugh so he doesn't wake up his roommate. It's just so stupid. What kind of introduction is that?

(But Peter can't deny that he's charmed.)

He responds without thinking.

P: It has the most homoerotic tension

S: true   
S: i would have also accepted all of the bet on it choreography   
S: sassyzacefron.gif

P: What if I said it wasn't 2

S: then you would be a liar and dead to me   
S: a tragedy

P: That's all it would take   
P: 3 has better production

S: you are cute but wrong

Peter's entire face feels like it's on fire. A hot blush that creeps up his neck to the tips of his ears. His blanket is too heavy and the room is too small.

S: its not about production its about soul

P: Is that your professional opinion?

Peter asks the question, sure that this is where the fun ends and it's just him watching whoever is on the other end of this profile make excuses and tell lies.

S: nah dude   
S: you're the professional movie watcher   
S: i just have good taste

Peter leaves. Well he doesn't leave, he puts his phone face down on his bed. Evaluating the way that Jenna and Dylan and all the other Wayback Boys have mocked him for doing since they became friends. Peter likes having a plan, he likes knowing what is going on and that everything has its place. When you go in without a goal or without a plan things get messy.   
Peter wants to direct, he doesn't like to let things get messy. Not if he can help it anyway. He goes in with a goal and adapts when it's needed.

He doesn't like when it's needed.

Because when Peter acts on impulse he does stupid stuff. Like deliberately match with a catfish and then find them endearing in less than 20 messages. Peter doesn't like to think with his heart because when that happens he gets in too deep too fast.

S: but you matched with me so i guess that means youre taste is alright too

P: 2 has miley cyrus too

S: what

P: We went online and voted with a parents permission

S: Peter   
S: Peter   
S: Pete   
S: please tell me you actually got a parents permission before going online

Peter's blush is all encompassing. He is flushed read from head to toe and embarrassment is all he has ever known. Sam, because it's easier to just think of this as Sam until the truth is finally revealed, is making fun of him and he knows it. But it's a different kind of being made fun of than Peter is used to, and he thinks he might like the feeling.

P: Obviously

S: fucking of course   
S: cause that beautiful mother in your profile raised you right

P: Are you hitting on my mom while you're messaging me   
P: On a dating site

S: im just complimenting a hardworkign and beautiful woman   
S: who raised such a handsome son   
S: but im new to this so if its weird

P: It’s weird

Peter didn't miss the way the silence stretched between them in a way that it hadn't yet. He didn't know why that made him a little bit upset. It's not like he cared if he pushed Sam away.

P: But it's sweet

S: youre sweet   
S: i really dont wanna be the one to bail   
S: but ive got work in the morning

A fresh wake of reality crashes around Peter. Talking with Sam is like floating in the ocean, every time Peter relaxes into the conversation something gets mentioned that crashes into him and knocks him off his feet back into the real world. He's talking to a person, a person who is getting their fun from pretending to be a celebrity and matching with people looking for affection.

P: I have an 8am in the morning

S: so same then   
S: is it weird i miss school   
S: sorr y we should both get to bed   
S: pick back up tomorrow?

Sam doesn't punctuate. The question mark at the end looks so hopeful and out of place. Peter tries to convince himself that it isn't a question mark, it's a hook. Whoever this is wants to make sure Peter is baited.

P: Sure, cause its weird that you miss school

S: 😃   
S: goodnight peter!

P: Night

Peter falls asleep holding his phone. It's clutched to his chest as he lays on his back, thinking --- always thinking --- about where he was supposed to go from here. Sam is sweet, but they're all sweet aren't they. People don't fall for catfish, don't get emotionally manipulated --- blackmailed, Jenna's voice chimes in his head --- by people who are rude. Not at first anyway.

Jenna would know what to do, but Jenna had also told him to get out and try something. He knew that that something wasn't, go out and possibly make the same mistakes that I did because Jenna wasn't that kind of person and underneath her 'I don't care about anyone and only look out for number one' exterior was someone who cared too much and got hurt for it. Another reason to keep his mouth shut and manage it himself.

He shouldn't talk to Sam again. That was the best solution. To cut ties. To realize that he'd gotten in to far over his head by trying to do something daring.

But he couldn't deny that draw, that thrill that he got when he was talking to Sam. The tingling rush in the pit of his stomach when he saw that Sam was typing. The full body flush when Sam complimented him. He should know better, Peter knew, than to keep going. He was only digging himself in deeper into a mess he might not be able to escape from.

But really, what would one more day hurt.

Peter wakes up at 8:45; disoriented, late for his biology lab, and still holding his now dead phone.

He plugs his phone in quickly while he curses his roommate who left him sleeping and regretting that conversation he had with his mother about why he didn't need an alarm clock when he had a cell phone. It doesn't take his phone long to charge enough that he can turn it back on. And once it powers up he's greeted by an actual phone call, someone is actually calling him.

"Jenna?"

"You talked to a boy."

"No."

"Liar. I didn't pass you leaving class, you skipped!"

Peter wanted to hide, not really wanting to deal with Jenna's probing questions first thing after he woke up, but if he buried himself under his blankets like he wanted to then Jenna would know. She always knew.

"I just overslept," he lied.

"Wanna try again, Perfect Attendance?"

Peter's phone buzzed against the side of his head with the messages that had been sent to him while he was asleep.

"My class was cancelled," he lied again.

"Liar!" Jenna's voice pitched down in her accusation, like she was letting herself in on his secret.

"I matched with a boy." Peter admitted.

"Obviously. Tell me about him."

"I don't know that much," Peter admitted, it felt like a lie even as he said it but if he told Jenna that he was deliberately provoking a catfish she would probably kill him or call up that personal investigator that she mentioned. "He- uh- he had work and had to go after we talked for a little while."

"Who the hell has work so early that they go to bed before you do?"

"It was late," Peter defended, "he messaged me first and we talked about stuff."

"Stuff?" Peter could see the suggestive eyebrow waggle from across campus.

"He asked me about my opinion on the high school musical movies," Peter said, regretting the honesty before he had even finished making the comment.

"You matched with a guy, during peak u up hours and you all talked about high school musical? And then you went to bed?" Jenna asked. "Whoever he is, you might be made for each other."

"Shut up."

She sniffed, Peter knew she had her nose turned up in the air in a way that reminded him of Marie from the Aristocats. "I don't appreciate your tone," she told him, the faux haughtiness in her voice especially ridiculous. "Don't miss our class, I won't cover for you if you're late."

She hung up on him, Jenna's phone etiquette left something to be desired but Peter figured it was all part of Jenna's charm. He didn't mind the abrasive exterior, he knew she actually cared. And if he didn't the way she had blown up his phone before she called him might have been a clue.

Peter ignored the texts he'd gotten from Jenna, he figured that actually talking to her on the phone would have gotten out most of her well-meaning dad friending. He was more focused on his tinder notifications, and the new messages he had from Sam.

S: early mornings are honestly homophobic   
S: cause im queer and inconvenienced

Those had been sent hours ago, well before Peter's normal alarm would have even gone off and he smiles as he read them. Sam is clearly not a morning person, they have that in common at least.

S: are you already in class?

That had come later, Peter's first alarm would have gone off by then if his phone would have been charged. The five words sound nervous.

S: i guess you are, have fun

Then there's the out. Peter is new to the world of internet dating and internet friendships on the whole, but ghosting is a cultural phenomenon.

P: I overslept, my phone died

S: dreaming of me? 😉

P: Dreaming of plugging my phone in before I fell asleep

S: did you make it to class

P: Missed my bio lab, which I'll fully blame you for

S: 😦😥😧   
S: Peter

P: Yeah, definitely your fault

S: it's not like you're a bio major   
S: right?   
S: i kinda assumed amateur film maker translated to film major

P: Yeah, film major and poli sci minor

\---

It's unprofessional, Sam knows, to pull out his phone anytime he has a break that lasts more than twelve seconds. But after his totally chill, not at all freak out when he woke up for his second day of press and interviews and texted Peter --- who was disorientingly handsome and made Sam feel like a teenager instead of a celebrity --- like five times in a row, he wanted to make sure that he didn't miss a response. 

Peter was a film major, which Sam had already figured, but he wanted to know a lot more about Peter's choice in minor; Sam wanted to know a lot more about Peter in general. A single texter who used capital letters, Sam didn't think it was creepy to say he imagined Peter was quiet but with a bite to him. Sam needed that, someone who would could roll with Sam being the talkative, impulsive person he was but wasn't going to just bend to whatever.

Like his agent who made sure all of Sam's interviews were pre-recorded so he didn't say something he regretted on live television; but who had a sick sense of humor and made him do web-exclusive interviews with Fallon.

He was waiting for something, he'd been up for hours and Sam was at the point in his day where he was just going where he was told. A valley in his hyperactivity.

(But seriously what is he waiting on it's like ten in the morning, late night isn't for another 12 hours.)

Unfortunately what he finally gets is:   
P: I actually have to go to my next class or Jenna will kill me.

Sam already feels like he's gotten too attached to this near stranger who he knows through five pictures and a profile

(Amateur film maker, professional film watcher.)

but he can't stop that wistful feeling that Peter's leaving again; and Sam is never sure if this time it might be for good. Maybe he's really just not cut out for this online dating thing, all of the ample room for rejection without warning --- though Sam hates how he knows he's just as guilty of the sin of ghosting, sometimes disappearing is the only answer you have.

His phone buzzes in his hand.

P: Back in like an hour? She's already never going to shut up about how I'm talking to you. If she sees me texting it's just going to be... yeah.

Oh, relief is a sparking light that shoots down his nervous system. It settles, a happy glow in the pit of his stomach. Delight is enlightening and confounding; he reads every word that Peter just sent him another three times trying to soak it all in. Peter hasn't talked about Sam's celebrity status at all since they started messaging, something Sam didn't feel like breaking; but he wonders if this wasn't him addressing it. If this Jenna would freak because of who Sam is --- he doesn't even consider the chances that Peter's and Gabi's Jennas might be one in the same. In LA the odds were just ridiculous.

S: 😃   
S: yeah!   
S: of course   
S: have fun in class   
S: i probably shouldn't be texting when im supposed to be working haha

Sam has barely finished sending that when a woman in all black and a headset on comes to the green room to let him know that they're finally ready for him on set. The pretape greetings are standard and Sam slips on his placid, actor smile as he zones out through the standard 'hello youtube/network web app, here's a little something special just for you' greeting. His smile stretches almost far enough to meet his eyes when he hears his name being called, he's never sure when the camera is going to shift to him.

"Now, Sam Ecklund, you're something of a rising star right now. Star of the Netflix originals  _ Saint Anything _ and _ Somebody Save Bridget Geller _ you're like the latest Judd Nelson."

"I really prefer to think of myself as the Molly Ringwald," Sam joked, "or a Gen-Z Zac Efron."

Jimmy's laugh stretched just long enough that Sam was positive his joke wasn't that funny. "But you would say you're quite the heart throb."

"I wouldn't, but I'll happily let you," Sam said.

Jimmy laughed again, Sam didn't even want to think about what the comment section on this video was about to look like. Sam hadn't even wanted to do the Fallon interview, but then he didn't really want to interview with any of the late night hosts but his agent made it clear that he needed to start appealing to the older demographics now that he had crossed into the 18+ category he was now apparently fair game for everyone to crush on.

He wondered what Peter would think of that, personally and professionally. As a... well now Sam wanted to know what Peter wanted to do with that film degree, but as a something Sam was sure he had opinions on the way the industry treated its actors.

"So as a heartthrob for a generation," Jimmy continued, "it's fair to say you don't need a lot of help getting dates?"

Sam kept his face a neutral smile the way he'd been trained, but his actors mask didn't stop the flush from forming at the tips of his ears. "Guess it depends on what you mean by help," Sam said. "When my lines aren't scripted I'm not nearly as smooth."

"I ask because this has been going viral on twitter lately," Jimmy said, sending a fresh wave of nervous energy racing through Sam. There was no way this had been approved by his agent, he was positive his agent was supposed to approve the questions he was asked. Jimmy flips that foam board on his desk and presents Sam with what might be his new worst nightmare. "There are a lot of ladies who are really hoping that they've matched with you."

Sam is looking at a tinder profile. Sam is looking at his face attached to a tinder profile on a segment that millions of people will see. His moment of panic is less a moment and more his entire career flashing in front of his eyes, he hasn't done anything wrong he knows but he didn't clear his profile with his agent and Sam has enough of a head for business to know he’s at his most marketable while single. Tinder is dangerous territory.

Sam doesn’t like to throw the word genius around but in a stroke of brilliant detective work --- thanks Law and Order --- he notices something doesn’t look right.

"Can I see that?"

"Oh yeah, of course. Take a good look."

Sam is careful not to snatch it out of Jimmy's hands because that would make him look guilty and rude. But once he’s taken it, with the most nonchalance he can manage, all he can feel is relief.

This isn't his profile.

The age is wrong. The picture has a filter Sam would die before using. But more importantly the bio is terrible: an actor looking for his leading lady. It was both cliche and heteronormative.

Sam laughed, his trauma bubbling out of him in sincerity. "Nah man, I hadn't seen this yet."

"I'll take it that means this isn’t you on tinder then? Is this how you're going to break it to all the ladies out there?"

"To all the fans who have matched with this profile," Sam said, "I'm sorry to say it isn't me."

"A shame."

"But more importantly to that catfish out there: c'mon man the Sierra filter? It washes me out. Also like don't catfish people, but if Nev wants to hit me up now that he's short a partner like I'll guest host."

"Speaking of possible job opportunities for you."

"Hell of a segue."

"Thank you, since you've missed your love life going viral on Twitter have there has been a very popular movement on the Twitter trying to get you a new job. Have you seen this."

Sam relaxed, finally questions he had been prepared for. "I am aware of this one. I'm a little upset I didn't start it to be honest. But thank you to all the fan artists and editors on tumblr and twitter who think I would make a good Young Avenger."

"Now is there any truth to the rumor that this is in the works? I've seen some of the more popular casting choices have been Kid Loki and Wiccan."

"Well I'm not as famous or cute as Tom Holland or Mark Ruffalo, so I think I'll just keep my mouth shut so I don't ruin my chances."

\---

There's only a minute or two left in the video, and Peter doesn't really care that much about the future of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. He would go see anything Sam was in regardless. The part he cared about had been in the first couple minutes anyway. Sam Ecklund shares his Tinder profile and Marvels at Trending Topics, the link had been sitting in his text chain with Dylan.

D: dude, that dude ur obsessed with is actually gonna be in somethin good

There wasn't any way to know for sure when the video had actually been recorded but he didn't imagine that there was a lot of turnaround time for a professionally shot interview that went straight online.

Peter hated the feeling that he was living with now. He hadn't heard from not-Sam since he had gone to class to get tortured by Jenna, then he got Dylan accidentally crushing the hope that Peter didn't know he was holding on to at all.

(He didn't ask Jenna about her catfish experience, even though he really wanted to hear about the experience from someone off of a TV screen.)

On the show the catfishee's always seemed to say that whenever they thought about not talking to their person anymore, that was when the messages started back up.

S: dude, somedays i just hate my job   
S: is it weird that i like miss school   
S: i started looking at college apps today, that's how much i hated work

P: You said the same thing yesterday, and yeah it still is

S: ugh 12 hr work day    
S: I barely remember my own name   
S: and I got my phone taken from me   
S: like what   
S: can I ask where you go

S: is that weird

P: USC

S: film and polisci

P: You can’t remember your own name but you remember my major?

S: yeah well    
S: youre cute who cares what my name is   
S: what do you wanna do with that

Peter is still reeling. Conversation with Sam --- not Sam, he knows this isn't Sam --- just comes too easy. Sam texts fast in bursts of thought like his fingers are moving as fast as they can to keep up with the pace of his thoughts. Hes revealing more than he meant to. it's just so easy to answer the questions as they roll in, falling between compliments and odd quips.

S: sorry gabi says that's a shitty question to ask someone

P: I want to direct. Or edit. I like being hands on with the stuff I do.

S: so polisci

S: how does that factor in

P: I want to work on something that matters. Where I can learn all the facts and leave an audience with a full picture. 

S: that's adorably noble    
S: but also like

S: shit nvm this is such a bad move

S: score for my impulse control

P: No, tell me. 

S: well like I mean dude   
S: you should know

S: media can't exist without bias    
S: even documentaries 

S: the nature of storytelling is presenting a side

S: making a murderer and paradise lost like they share facts but someone in an editing bay has already decided who the heroes and the villains are

Peter was stunned. His hands shaking where they held his phone, he didn’t expect... this. It wasn't a fight but this was the first time they had had a real significant conversation, their first disagreement. The first time Peter kind of wished that they could be having this conversation in person. 

P: You dont think facts can be shared without bias? What about the self publishing industry?

S: what you mean like Shane dawson and the vimeo documentaries   
S: even live updating doesnt get rid of bias   
S: it just makes the story less cohesive and the bias more obvious

S: but if you have recs that prove me wrong

P: No. I think it's possible to have a documentary without bias but I'm too mad at myself for sincerely using The Mind of Jake Paul as a citation to keep arguing

S: asdfhj   
S: sorry man   
S: it revolutionized the medium right

P: Don’t try to make me feel better about this.

S: the tanacon one was pretty good   
S: there were maybe too many parts to the Jake Paul one

S: I mean I know i didnt watch all of it

P: You were looking at apps?

Peter changes the subject, mostly because he likes Sam and doesn’t want to get to a point where Sam might tell him he's a fan of Team Ten.

S: yeah

S: like not super seriously   
S: cause like work or whatever   
S: but I actually looked at USC cause Gabi's gf goes there

P: For film? You seem to have a lot of opinions on it.

S: lmao

S: no   
S: I just have opinions on everything so get used to that   
S: I was actually thinking journalism   
S: maybe a minor in criminology or something

P: And you were giving me shit for bias?

S: l o fucking l   
S: i mean the point of journalism is like presenting the facts that exist and trying to be unbiased   
S: obvi that doesnt always happen and sometimes both sides dont really need a platform but

S: yeah no I'm for sure bi-assed

P: Did you just..?

S: no i didnt   
S: purge that from your memory

S: that was a bad pun and I'm ashamed

P: Is there such a thing as a good pun?

S: 😢   
S: Unmatched

Panic wasn't something Peter expected to feel for any tinder match, after the actual matching process had ended. But for a second he was worried that Sam meant it. It was a stupid worry. He hated the way he bit down on his hand just like he hated that he had his hand so close to his face in the first place. Peter was a believer in the power of words. Words were functional, they prevented misinterpretation. Ironic for a film major maybe, but Peter didn't always trust how images could be left to interpretation.

Words were failing him now.

P 😢

S: did you just use an emoji   
S: that's adorable   
S: i wasnt sure you knew where they were on your keyboard

S: matched again

P: Since you brought up the puns can I ask about your profile.

S: i am very serious about my love of steve rogers   
S: but dont talk to be about fandom rn its a mess

P: I was gonna ask about the string thing, actually.

S: oh yeah no that tracks   
S: its like the same as the journalism   
S: and like im really into law and order

P: Those two things don't go together

S: yeah they do   
S: conspiracy wall

P: That's barely a sentence

S: conspiracy wall   
S: murder wall   
S: string

P: Like...   
P: pepesilvia.png   
P: Or...   
P murderwall.jpeg

S: a mix between the two?   
S: I just   
S: its a nice way to organize information   
S: like badass   
S: but also straightforward and clear

P: Clean lines?

S: YES!   
S: sorry   
S: yeah   
S: the organization is nice but it leaves enough room for movement   
S: its like a decluttered version of my brain   
S: #adhdlife

P: Never would have guessed

S: haha

S: i text like i think, i get it   
S: But if I texted like this. With capital letters and punctuation, where everything is spelled correctly and fully considered…

P: It looks weird

S: it looks fucking weird!   
S: cause im not a fucking serial killer   
S: its cute when you do it tho   
S: but you don't seem to be rocking the disaster bi vibe that i have made mine

P: My clever disguise is working

S: i just like how you can see all the available information

S: like isn't that half the battle

S: seeing all the stuff thats there so you can like connect it to the other information   
S: or see several things that don't go together but then do

P: A puzzle with more than one solution?

S: more like   
S: seeing a problem from more than one angle   
S: sometimes its just nice to get everything out in one place   
S: do you ever just like... know you know something but it's all too jumbled together   
S: like you know if you saw it all together you would know what it was but your brain just wont let you do that   
S: also just like the aesthetics

Peter doesn't think he's smiled more in his life than he has while he's been texting Sam. It's just something about their conversation, the way it flows. He feels like he understands Sam and that Sam understands him. It's a little weird. To say that he feels like he can understand someone who he knows is lying to him, someone whose name he doesn't even really know.

But there's a relatability there. The young queer teen experience. Whoever this person really is, they never bring up the fact that Sam Ecklund is a celebrity. They don't talk about other famous people they've met or worked with or movies they've starred in, it's just stupid teenager stuff.   
He didn't want to do this at all and now Peter's worried that he might actually like this person that's on the other end of his phone.

It's only been a week and Peter finds himself always talking to Sam. As deadlines start creeping closer, messaging Sam and complaining about the projects and papers he has due has become a favorite past time of Peter's. Sam is always good for a laugh and it makes Peter smile when he leaves class and Sam has messaged him ten times or sent him a picture he thought was cool.

S: Pete   
S: Peter

P: Sam   
P: Sammy

S: shut up   
S: look at this dog I just saw   
S: dogwearinghat.jpeg   
S: look at her hat   
S: her name is isadora and she is a lady

It was hard to say that there was a problem. 

Hard to say not because there wasn't one, but because Peter was enjoying himself and didn't want to admit that he'd maybe let things go to far.

It's not like he's upset that he's become attached to the person on the other end of this conversation. Not so upset that he's going to ghost Sam anyway, this definitely wasn't part of his plan though. Peter has become attached, like unwaveringly and unfortunately attached like if there was a level between getting into a screaming match with Dylan over thinking about actually spray painting Mrs. Shapiro's driveway and actually dating someone Peter would be somewhere in there trying to reevaluate what kind of scale he had just made.

Peter likes Sam. Whoever he may actually be.

He had talked to Sam about things he hadn't even talked to his friends about. What it was like growing up without his dad, how hard school had been until he stumbled into his friendship with Dylan, how he still wasn't sure if he knew how to make friends and that fear that one day that would leave him all alone.

And it didn't go unreciprocated. Sam told him how he missed home. How he was afraid he didn't measure up to his sisters --- the oldest the top of her class in her pre-med program and the youngest a piano prodigy. The way he worried he wasn't cut out for anything other than what he was doing.

Peter had spent a while talking to him about that last one. The irony of soothing someone who was lying about who they were and that lying might be the only thing they are cut out to do didn't catch up to him until a couple hours later; and by then Sam had sent him a meme and Peter couldn't really find it in him to care. 

Which was a problem Peter was willing to admit he really did have. 

He hadn't meant to get attached to Sam; but now that he had Peter was willing to make things work, or at least try to, with whoever it was he was talking to. But as much as he would like for Sam to be sincere when he calls Peter cute or sweet or throws babe around like it was a synonym for dude... It was just too hard to forget that people who did this sort of thing weren't always lonely people who didn't think that their own appearance was good enough to make a real friend.

S: so like   
S: i know your like shooting for the documentary thing   
S: but with like the poli sci thing   
S: okay no like documentary people usually have a focus area they like right so like whats yours   
S: are we talking like government corruption or like what

P: More like wrongful imprisonment and bias in the justice system

S: oh shit really?   
S: that's fucking badass   
S: i feel that like exposing the corruption we ignore   
S: so like more a making a murderer vibe

S: not to like cheapen your deal by comparing it to something that exists already

P: Not the first time you've referenced it so it's fine. The fact that they exist already doesn't mean the market isn't still looking.

S: its all different stories

P: Yeah totally, and they’re stories that work inside the outrage machine and it moves through information a lot faster than it used to

S: theres a lot to be outraged about   
S: i get you things fall to the wayside   
S: so like   
S: are you just really into those stories or   
S: like whats got you on this path versus like the government is out to get us or like monsanto and the food we eat   
S: cause those are the only two genres of documentary right

P: Political and food right, haha   
P: I do like the stories, but I had a friend in high school almost get charged with a serious felony vandalism offense because he's an asshole

S: oh shit dude   
S: seriously

P: Yeah, it was stupid. I thought it could make a good documentary, figure out who really did it and expose the school for their bias

S: fuck yeah I would watch the hell out of that   
S: why didnt you do it

P: The usual excuses, didn't have enough help on the filming end, but it would have been more interesting if I hadn't been sure Dylan didn't do it   
P: He could have had an ambiguous alibi if I hadn't started helping him film for his channel, but since I did and I don't get high with the rest of them he had his Sutherland call on tape so it proved he couldn't have done it   
P: Maybe in a different life or something

S: thats maybe the most youve ever sent in one go   
S: and half of it made no sense out of context   
S: and i love it   
S: what'd he get accused of that was so serious

P: They said he spray painted 27 cars with a bunch of dicks in the school parking lot, but he didn't have the time to even with his still kind of shitty alibi

S: WAIT!   
S: HFS   
S: YOU WENT TO HANOVER?

And just like that Peter's world came crashing down around him.

S: omfg you were there for the dicks   
S: thats fucking insane

S: i had a friend who was there for the dicks but like she wasnt close to anyone who knew anything   
S: fuck

It wasn't like Peter didn't know this would have to happen eventually. Obviously something would come to the surface that would make it impossible to ignore that this wasn't Sam. But California was a big state and LA was a huge city, he honestly didn't expect the thing that sent reality crashing down and around him to be learning that the person he was talking to probably went to high school with him.

P: Its been a couple years, I was a sophomore so I was at the edge of all the senior drama.

S: shit yeah   
S: i mean i only heard about it cause gabs was pissed about lunch   
S: and all that other senior year stuff

Peter wasn't out out in high school. It wasn't that he was closeted so much as he kept his business, and the rest of him, mostly to himself. Dylan and, through Dylan not fully understanding what personal boundaries are, the rest of the Wayback Boys knew; but he didn't make it a point to spread the fact that he was gay around school. It wasn't like Peter wouldn't answer honestly if he was asked. At least he thought he would be honest if someone asked. The situation hadn't ever come up in high school. But that didn't get rid of that cold liquid feeling of terror at the base of his spine, that something had been taken from him that he hadn't meant to give. Someone from Hanover had outed him, they had taken advantage and now he had to live with that.

And what made it worse is how Peter felt lied to. Those kindling feelings that he had started to feel for Sam, they felt crushed.

P: I didn't have all that to deal with, but my mom was pretty mad when I got called in to the principal's office about it

S: fuck i bet   
S: your mom seems like she could be scary when she wants to be

Silence. Peter almost doesn't want to respond. He thinks and tries to figure out more seriously who this could really be.

They mentioned Gabs. There were only two Gabi's that Peter knew who were at Hanover when the dick stuff was happening. Gabi Granger who was popular in the way that pretty, quiet people are always popular. She dated some guy who wasn't good looking enough for her or for how big a douche he was around school; but seeing as she was dating Jenna, Peter figured he would know if she was in on the catfishing.

(He hoped he would know, Jenna wouldn't let the happen to him. Jenna wouldn't date someone who would do that to someone else.)

Then there was Gabrielle Martin, who tried to go by Gabi. A junior while Gabi Granger was a senior it didn't really catch on. Peter didn't know her well, she was loud and he'd heard she had gotten too drunk at Nana's party and put her tongue in Alex Trimboli's ear --- but Ganj always said Alex was a little bitch so Peter didn't know if that was even true.

He didn't really like his odds.

S: i know we havent ever like talked about this   
S: shit this is   
S: yeah but anyway do you wanna like meet up sometime this weekend   
S: id love to hear more about this from someone who was actually there there   
S: ive got some free time between some contract stuff on this like new project and some other shit im not supposed to be talking about   
S: on Saturday, shit yeah cause just saying weekend isnt that helpful lol

Peter's heart sank.

This was the end game and it wasn't hard to see it.

They hadn't even moved out of the tinder app when they texted. No snapchat, no instagram, no phone numbers. And now Sam was bringing up a meet up. Sam was bringing up a meet up and he was dropping reminders that he was a famous person. Peter could already feel the lump in the back of his throat and the acrid taste of embarrassment it brought with it at the shame of being stood up.

S: i know its like hell week rn for you   
S: like finals and stuff

P: I can make some time on Saturday. Where?

S: See The Tall Job on Google Maps [link]   
S: i thought there   
S: its pretty quiet and out of the way   
S: and nearish campus for you right

P: Yeah, I know where it is

S: 😃   
S: great   
S: so like 1:30ish   
S: ill try not to be late

This isn't how Peter wanted this to go. 

He didn't want the abject misery he was feeling. He didn't want the knowledge that this was about to end. Peter was sure that he would have gotten at least to Christmas break before things came crashing down around him, where it would be easier to pretend that this feeling of burgeoning heartbreak was actually just homesickness or he could ignore it entirely and just enjoy seeing Washington for the first time with Jenna.

P: I'll save you a seat when you are.

S: 😘💕   
S: see you then   
S: im so fucking pumped   
S: cant wait

That might be how Sam felt, but Peter was happy to.

\---

Peter gets there early.

Some of it's by choice, most of it's by Jenna. She can drive but she really can't, and when she learned Peter was actually going into downtown he became her ride.

J: It's just easier to carpool Peter and its not like you're going out of your way   
J: Just drop me off before you go park and I'll walk and meet Gabi   
J: If I get another ticket daddy is going to make me pay for it 😞

Jenna has literally never been early for anything in the entire time Peter has known her, but she insisted that she needed to be in town by 1:15. "If I have to walk then I'm going to do it slowly, I can't be sweaty when I see Gabi for the first time since-"

"Since Thanksgiving, that was less than a week ago."

"Not the point, Peter."

He could have said no. He could have made Jenna drive her car that was worth more money than Peter had ever had collectively in his entire life; or made her make use of the public transportation system that someone's tax dollars were paying for.

Instead he was sitting in the coffee shop twenty minutes early. At least this way he would know in advance if something was about to happen. Peter wanted to be prepared.

Peter starts to draft a letter on his phone, it's one part joke and one part sincere escape from boredom. Dear Nev and Max, How quickly would MTV sue me for infringing on your brand if I made a documentary about being catfished by someone pretending to be a celebrity and falling in love with them?

The answer was probably pretty quickly. He still kinda wishes he brought a camera. There was his phone obviously and the digital camera in his bag that his mom had gotten him for Christmas, that worked when he was filming for Dylan --- and had a better video quality than the one that MTV used in the first couple seasons. Peter just wasn't sure he had the stomach to film his own humiliation, but then that was why you usually had someone else there who wasn't so personally involved to do it for you.

Jenna would have had the guts to keep filming, if he'd asked her so that every embarrassing part of his sorry romantic life got caught on, well not film but saved for him to look back on.

He isn't so lost in his own thoughts that he doesn't look up every single time the door opens, waiting for someone to make that smarmy but still embarrassed 'yeah it's me and it's been me the whole time' face that the catfish always makes.

Then Sam Ecklund walks through the door.

Then  _ Sam Ecklund _ walks through the door.

Then Sam Ecklund walks  _ through the door _ .

Of all the gin joints in all the world and Sam fucking Ecklund walks right through the door.

Peter's heart drops out of his chest and bounces five feet behind him.

He's not entirely sure what the odds of this happening are. Sam Ecklund, a known resident of Los Angeles who has been seen in LA doing press for his knew Netflix original "something something straight people in love and one of them is named Bridget", walking into a quiet coffee shop that Peter, who has been talking to someone who also resides in LA and has been pretending to be Sam Ecklund, happens to be sitting in. Peter imagines that it's probably about the same as him getting struck by lightning when there wasn't a cloud in the sky.

(He would rather be struck.)

Peter was desperately swiping at the air behind him, trying to find the backpack that was currently holding the inhaler he hadn't had to use since the last time he had a mandatory gym class. Not so busy, that he didn't see Sam Ecklund look over at him and smile.

Smile. Smile! 

Eyes crinkling, recognition in the face, holy shit I'm happy to see you smiling.

At Peter.

Then Sam takes a step toward Peter. And then another. And another. And Peter has passed through asthmatic panic and straight into forced millennial confidence. This is happening and Peter is not prepared and that has pushed him straight into acceptance.

Acceptance makes him observant.

Sam has a snapback on, it's pulled low --- fashionable but it helps to disguise him --- and he looks like he's just short of wearing his sunglasses indoors. Peter is willing to admit that he's might be biased, but Sam looks nice in the baseball tee he's wearing and his dark jeans make his legs look miles long. It rides the line between handsome and cute, but his face has crossed over from excited to nervous.

Peter smiles back.

Then Sam is there.

He's at Peter's table. He's smiling and pulling out a chair. He's sitting down and all Peter can do is watch and smile and try to contain his panic.

"Hey," Sam says.

That's all he manages to get out before, Peter can't hold himself quiet any more. "You're Sam Ecklund."

Sam's head snaps to glance around the room, Peter assumes he’s worried someone might have noticed him but the gesture seems more obvious than Peter's voice.

"Yeah," Sam agrees, "its, um, it's good to finally meet you face to face."

"You're Sam fucking Ecklund." Peter repeats, he keeps his voice down but it sounds angry even to himself.

"You're Peter fucking didnt give me his last name? What are we doing, dude? Are you mad at me?"

No.

"Yes!" Peter startles at his own answer, his mouth five steps ahead of his own brain as it goes off.

Sam flinches back and Peter would feel bad if he weren't just as confused by what's going on.

"I know I wasn’t late," Sam says, and that's all he manages before Peter cuts him off.

"You aren’t supposed to actually be Sam."

"What?"

"Why the..? You're supposed to be some catfish with a heart of gold but poor social skills. This is not... I- how could you not tell me you were actually Sam."

"Its my profile!" Sam is smiling, there’s a dimple in his cheek and his nose scrunches up as he laughs at Peter. "I didn’t know I needed to confirm I was me."

"Of course you do! Who would actually think they had matched with a celebrity! You went on late night and said the profile was fake." 

"That profile was fake," Sam explained, Peter was a little upset by how amusing Sam now seemed to be finding this. They were fighting, Sam wasn’t supposed to be failing to hide a smile while his stupid, pretty eyes twinkled, he was supposed to be an actor he should be better at pretending to be mad. "It said I was 19 and had some creepy line to pick up girls, plus like the filter."

That was a good point, if Peter weren’t still a little mad that Sam hadn't told him he was actually Sam then he might think back to the interview and remember the careful language used. The way Sam had specified that the profile he was being shown wasn’t his not that his didn’t exist. "Yeah but you're-"

"I think we've established we both know who I am." Sam said. "I can go if it's going to be a problem."

No.

"No!" Peter doesn't reach out so much as he spasms trying to grab Sam's hand as quickly as possible. He blushed violently at what might have been the least cool thing he’s done in front of a boy since that time Ashley Hanson asked him what day it was in trig --- Peter was more embarrassed that he let a Mean Girls reference slip past his careful indie veneer than he was that it was actually November 15th.

Sam had a smile that managed to be both endearing and grating, close lipped and wide like he was happy Peter couldn't wait to trip over himself to get Sam to stay. "I just," Peter continued, "I just don't know why a celebrity would need-"

"Not to get all Katy Perry, 'you say that you're fine but you're not really fine' on you but like," Sam interrupts, "it can be kind of lonely? I only have one real friend who isn't related to me. I just, I wanna be somebody other than just-"

"Sam Ecklund?"

"Yeah." Sam sounded relieved, his answer more of an exhale than a response.

"So you decided to do that by joining tinder?"

"Are you practicing your interviewing skills on me?" Sam answers his question with a question. He’s teasing, they've teased each other through message but it's weird seeing it in person, seeing the sly tip of the corner of Sam's mouth as he smirks.

"Are you practicing your evading for your next appearance on late night?"

Sam's smile evened, bashful. "Gabi made me, she was tired of my complaining."

"So how many other lucky fans have dates lined up with you today." It was bitchy and Peter regretted asking it immediately, but he hadn't expected Sam and now he wanted to know what else he needed to start expecting.

"No one," he’s guarded but Peter can just tell that the answer is honest. "We matched and I just kinda stopped." He shrugs like that's all there is to it, or maybe that's just all he’s prepared to say.

"I- you're it for me too." Peter says, Sam's honesty deserves to be returned. "I really liked- um I didn't think I would like talking to someone, uh, the way I liked talked to you on there."

Relief colors his face, and his soft smile eases the tension that had started gripping Peter’s lungs tight in its hands.

And they sit. Peter with the coffee he'd started nursing since he sat down still on the table between them; Sam with his hands moving, tapping, dancing on the table like he just cant keep them still. Its quiet, but it's not a bad quiet. 

"So is this," Sam pauses, his speech not his hands, his hands keep moving like they're the only line Sam's thoughts have to the outside. "Is this going to be a problem?" Peter isn't sure what he’s talking about until those hands slow, still not stopping, and tap the table in front of himself before moving to make a quick gesture to all of him.

No.

"Maybe?"

Sam doesn't look, no he does look upset but he looks to Peter like someone who had been waiting for this.

"I like you," Peter means it as assurance, but it comes out tasting like a death sentence.

Sam takes it as gracefully as a person can take something that sounds so much like a verbal slap to the face.

"I don't want you to ruin your career for me," Peter says, he feels like he could melt into the floor. He wishes he would, it sounds so self absorbed. "You're supposed to be that perfect guy, I don't want you to feel like you have to-"

Sam grabs his hand across the table and Peter goes quiet immediately. "I don't care about my career. I mean I do, but I'm not worried about it, I want to try this. I've never talked to someone like you, and I want to keep doing it I don't care what I have to do. This can be as public or private as you want to keep it."

Peter ducks his face, there's a churning and bubbling in his stomach as his anxious feelings become giddy relief. He just squeezes Sam's hand, it's the only way he can even begin to communicate that he also wants to give this a try.

They're having a moment. Peter hasn't ever had a moment like this with a boy, let alone a boy who likes him too. He isn't surprised that Jenna then comes in to ruin it. She's hand in hand with Gabi and Peter doesn't even have the time to be worried about revealing that Sam is here in public and ruining his day before Gabi walks up behind Sam and flicks the bill of his hat.

Sam flinches and sputters while the two girls pull up chairs at their table. Gabi looks as relaxed as Peter has ever seen her and Jenna is already shaking off what looks like fleeting surprise. "How's the date kiddo?" Gabi asks.

"Great until you showed up."

"Don't pout, Sammy, Peter's a cool dude I don't think he minds making this a double date. I'm just helping you blend."

Peter watched the back and forth between with the same darting glances that tennis matches or arguments in grocery stores were watched. As comments were lobbed back and forth between them.

"I interrupted one date, and you're going to ruin my life? Brandon was a douche anyway."

"I was going to apologize for not realizing I could have just set you up, but maybe it's better this way. I didn't realize Peter was into obnoxious twinks and now he's got no one but himself to blame for having to deal with all your shit."

Sam's jaw dropped to the table and Peter's doubts dropped away. Peter wanted to try this and he wanted to try it with Sam, privately for now. Peter squeezed Sam's hand again, doing his best to provide moral support and reassurance in the same go.

The smile he got in return was brilliant, sincere, so much better in person than any Peter had watched on screen.

His clapback wasn't, but Peter laughed anyway. He would get used to Sam's unscripted dialogue, eventually.

\---

Sam hates waiting in the green room. In any greenroom really, there's not enough time to start doing anything before getting called to set and the sitting and waiting has the fun effect of triggering both his ADHD and his anxiety.

It doesn't help that Peter won’t text him back.

Sam knows he’s plotting something, he doesn't buy the whole 'babe I have to finish my last paper for the semester before I can drive to the studio and watch your Kimmel interview.' It’s too ridiculous, he’s got all day to write, he can text Sam right now so Sam doesn't do something stupid like embarrass himself in front of Millie Bobby Brown or Finn Wolfhard.

The Kimmel Netflix special is stupid anyway, but Sam kinda knows why it’s so important. The network got a lot of shit for cancelling so many original (and representative) shows in favor of what they kept --- and all that money they spent to keep Friends, Peter was still mad.

But that didn't explain why Sam had to be there six hours before his interview to film another mean tweets.

Gabi wouldn't text him back either. It was a sure sign that they were all conspiring, he blamed Jenna, Gabi never conspired against Sam until she started dating Jenna. Gabi didn't even have an excuse, she had finished all her work and her semester at UCLA finished the week before Peter's. He was really regretting getting her a ticket to the show tonight, but she said she wanted to see Millie when the Stranger Things kids came on after him to promote the new season.

Peter was the one who told Sam he was going. Said he got his ticket himself, a friend from the Hanover Morning Show was interning there, Emily something.

They're still keeping things private.

Sam doesn't mind. He’s always understood why Peter --- and Gabi and Jenna and his sisters and everyone else he's even a little close too --- want to stay out of his limelight. There's a lot of judgement there. He’s never blamed any of them for not wanting to be some Buzzfeed pop puff piece or a tabloid blog article. He definitely doesn't blame them for not wanting to get thousands of unprovoked tweets about how they managed to meet him.

(He does blame Peter for that stupid smile he gets any time some pap leaks a photo of Sam's mysterious friend. But he wears the hoodie and sunglasses better than any A-lister trying to go shopping that Sam has ever seen.)

There are days when Sam wishes he didn't have to get ahold of screeners so he could watch new movies with Peter risk free--- it ruins the experience if no one else is there Sam. And he wants to have Peter by his side at every premier he goes to just to listen to him geek out about the production team.

But he knows it can’t happen now.

Soon though, he hopes. He starts part time at USC in the fall, and his new contract with Disney might be the longest he's ever signed but it makes allowances so he can get his degree. It's not going to fix the famous thing, but maybe it will make it easier to ease Peter into the public eye.

Maybe.

They haven't really talked about that yet.

Sam's getting called to set by an intern with a cryptic look on her face. He hopes she hasn't been trying to get his attention long, he would like to work with some of these people again, the last thing he needs is someone thinking he’s flighty.

They pass Noah on the way. He looks like he’s been laughing, Sam would bet his tweets were thirst tweets instead of the really mean ones.

Sam sits as patiently as he can while they mic him, he's hoping that if they can get this over with fast enough he could talk Peter into abandoning his school stuff and getting dinner. But it always takes way longer to film this sort of thing than it has any right to, and if he's not waiting in the studio in anticipation for his part of the interview he'll get shit from everyone.

The blonde intern hands him a phone with a screenshot tweet on it, the first of what Sam assumes is an album for him to flip through. He schools his face into a neutral mask while they count him down.

And then he looks down and almost loses it.

@PMProductions

"@SamEcklund looks like the kind of guy who tells his bf he'll stay up with him while he finishes his essay and falls asleep ten minutes later #imtiredtoodick," Sam reads. There's a laugh bubbling in the back of his throat that Sam feels like he could just choke on if he'd let it slip out. He keeps his face stern, Peter says he wears anger in his eyebrows --- and thinking about Peter almost sets him off again.

"If we're gonna play it like that, you look like the kind of guy who invites his boyfriend over to Netflix and Chill and then make him read foreign indie films, babe." Sam manages a straight face until the end and his smile cracks through, he winks at the camera.

He stands with the phone still in his hand, his head crosses out of frame while he talks to someone off camera, "That's the only one I'm reading, what a fucking dick. I can't believe that asshole, plotting-" Affection is obvious in his tone as the clip ends there, the editing team cuing the music right as his head turns and Sam's smile flashes just barely in the top of the frame.

The video is trending almost as soon as it's posted. Sam and Peter take turns being unbearable about it.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on [tumblr](https://formosusiniquis.tumblr.com/) if this link even works anymore


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